BARRIERS TO CHURCH #3: Kids ministry is an afterthought

3. Kids ministry is an afterthought.

About a year ago, a pastor asked me to be the guest speaker and worship leader at his church while he was away. When we brought our family (which at the time included a 1 and 4 year old), it only took us a minute to realize that this church had a long, hard fight for survival ahead of them. Their "nursery" was essentially a closet not much larger than a sofa and their "kids ministry" consisted of a table at the back of their meeting room with some crayons and colouring pages. Needless to say, the only family that regularly attended belonged to the pastor, and I felt sorry for those kids.

What's the likelihood that you would invite a family to join you at a church that had nothing substantial to offer for children? What's the likelihood that an unchurched family would ever return?

Outside of a miracle, I would say that the odds were stacked against them. This was certainly an extreme case, but sadly, it's one that I've encountered many times before. I've seen relatively healthy churches with an average attendance of 150-200 give their kids ministries the summer off, believing that handing out colouring pages is some kind of substitute for a dedicated teaching time for children. Trust me when I say that no parent can enjoy and really benefit from the sermon with an antsy child sitting beside them. I've also been to churches that keep their un-staffed nursery open for any parents who would like to watch their own children. What incredible thoughtfulness!

About a year ago, my family had an incredibly positive experience visiting a new church plant that was meeting in a public school. In my opinion, they did everything right. Upon arrival we were given a lot of information about where the nursery/kids rooms were located, how their security/check-in system worked, and when the kids would be dismissed from the adult service. The kids program had a friendly, energetic staff and all of the children were taught the same lesson/theme appropriate to their age (which should be standard practice). Even better, the kids had FUN! It was such a great experience, we decided to go back during our summer holidays when the church's services had switched from Sunday mornings to Thursday evenings. We assumed that our experience would be even better, as the church was holding a free barbecue supper before their meeting. How could you go wrong with barbecue? Imagine our shock and disappointment when we discovered that they didn't offer a nursery and their kids program consisted of one rather lax adult volunteer sitting with the children in a hallway with a Veggietales video. Their commitment to a safe, relevant, high quality program for children had gone out the window. After the first visit, we wholeheartedly recommended the church to a few other families we knew. After our final visit, we prayed and hoped that none of them would remember that recommendation.

Pastors/church leaders, there is nothing more important to parents than their children. If you would like to see your church grow, if you would like to see your congregation bringing guests along with them, you need to invest heavily in kids ministry. The music and sermon can no longer be the only things you see as being non-negotiable. If kids are having a great time (as opposed to them feeling like they're doing time) you will have won the hearts and loyalty of their parents. Even if your church doesn't have any kids or young families presently attending, by setting in place a high quality nursery/kids program, you're setting yourself up for a future of growth. Encourage your leaders that even if they spend a Sunday in an empty nursery, their presence and preparedness is invaluable for creating a strong first impression for first-time guests. Trust me, when your Sunday morning kids ministry is firing on all cylinders, you'll be making it incredibly easy for families in your congregation to both recommend and bring guests along with them.

BARRIERS TO CHURCH #2: Sermons

2. Sermons that are irrelevant to possible first time guests.

Several churches that I've been a part of have included a children's teaching moment as a part of their liturgy. Typically, the children would gather at the front of the auditorium and the pastor/leader would tell a story that would illustrate some biblical truth, sometimes utilizing a great deal of creativity. Probably all of us can remember a time when an innocent child was asked a question and proceeded to say something hilariously embarrassing into the microphone. Perhaps you can even remember a powerful object lesson that seemed to explain a biblical concept in a simple and unique way? When done right, these teaching moments can be both memorable and effective. There have been times, however, when the pastor/leader seemed to entirely forget about the audience that he/she was teaching to. Big theological words like "righteousness" and "sanctification" would be used and never defined. Passages of Scripture would be read without adequate explanation. The faces of the children would say it all. They would sit, staring at the ceiling, feeling completely disengaged.

During your Sunday morning sermon, would a visitor have an experience similar to those children?

While it's important to provide great teaching to those who regularly attend, the sermon needs to also be written with guests in mind. When preparing your message, are you doing so under the assumption that only Christians will be hearing it? Would a first-time guest understand the deep theological words you use? Would they understand references to classic Bible stories? Would they feel left out, or even worse, turned off, by the jokes you tell? Would your illustrations make any sense to someone outside of a church context? 

It seems that pastors have a tendency to preach to the majority when the minority are the ones who have stepped out of their comfort zone to give church a chance (perhaps for the last time).  

Remember, Jesus himself said that he came for the sin-sick. The Good Shepherd chased after the one lost sheep. Jesus cares deeply for the minority.

Even if your church seldom has guests, tailoring your sermon to be inclusive and inviting also communicates to your congregation that Sunday morning is a safe place for them to bring a friend. They'll appreciate your desire to create a meaningful and relevant message for those who have no church context, and when you've developed that trust, you'll have removed a huge barrier to their extending an invitation to their neighbors and coworkers.

BARRIERS TO CHURCH #1: Emphasis on Traditionalism

1. Emphasis on traditionalism (doing things like we've always done them) that resists change and stifles growth.

Not only have I attended quite a few different church services over the last year, but I've interviewed at a few handfuls of them (too many perhaps), and one thing that has really surprised me is how many churches seem to be content with the status quo. Now, don't get me wrong, this has never been vocalized. In fact, I'm sure the vast majority of churches out there see the need for (and even love the idea of) change, but recognizing the need and actually taking steps to make change are two separate things.  

I believe that one of the primary goals of a pastor should be to lead a community of believers to not just be a community of believers.

Probably every pastor and church would wholeheartedly agree with that statement, but the problem is that it's a lot easier to say it than do it. When I suggest that an emphasis on traditionalism is a barrier to people bringing a guest to church, I'm not talking about a church's particular worship style or where they sit in terms of ritual and liturgy. Every church is different. I believe that it's important to embrace those differences in worship and expression and appreciate them as a part of the larger worldwide church family. What I'm getting at is that if a church is content with the status quo (simply doing things the way they've always done them), the danger is that the church becomes irrelevant to those who've never walked through the doors of a church before.

I must confess, I know very little about ushering in change in the context of a church, but I certainly recognize when there's a need for it. If you're a pastor/leader, my hope and prayer is that you would desire, not only to provide bible-based teaching and offer a meaningful worship experience to those who join you on a Sunday, but to see people bringing friends and neighbors along with them. How can you facilitate that? It might start with encouraging your congregation to meet within the church walls less and actually spend time getting to know others in their neighborhood. It might mean opting to have a 'First Steps/Christianity 101' group instead of an adult bible study. Perhaps it means inviting a few of your friends or neighbors from the community to join you on a Sunday in order to offer some constructive criticism on what you're doing well and where you're falling short?  I want to encourage you to embrace change and lead your congregation to the point where they desire change too. Hopefully, my next few posts will give you a lot of things to think about.

BARRIERS TO CHURCH: Introduction

As a pastor/church leader, have you ever thought about how rare it is when someone in your congregation actually brings someone along with them to a Sunday service?

During my decade as a youth pastor, I would intentionally tailor talks and events towards teens who had no church connection. Nearly every single youth night was constructed, not just to provide a quality time of worship and teaching for Christian teens, but to also be a fun, non-threatening and relevant experience for someone who had never set foot in a church before. There was nothing that thrilled me more than seeing teens, not just inviting, but BRINGING their friends along with them to our youth night.

However, I also noticed that what happened on Sundays was a completely different story. Very seldom did I ever see someone over the age of 20 bring a friend (let alone an entire family) to be a part of the morning service and be given an opportunity to connect to church community. Think about it! When was the last time one of the regular attendees of your Sunday service brought someone new along with them? Perhaps an even better question is, 'Why don't MORE Christians invite and bring guests with them to church?'  Is it because the average congregation doesn't care about seeing their friends and neighbors come to experience the love and grace of Jesus? I wouldn't go quite that far. In fact, I would suggest that the average person in your church really does want to bring someone along with them, but that, perhaps, there are some barriers present in your church that prevent them from doing so.

Last week, probably to the chagrin of most of my followers, I took to Twitter with a huge list of potential barriers that may prevent Christians from inviting guests to join them on a Sunday morning. I also mentioned a number of things that would leave those first-time guests with a bad first impression. While you can view that shortlist by searching the hashtag #Barriers2Church, I thought it would be a good idea to write a little more extensively about each of those barriers here on this blog where there isn't a 140 character limit and I can better communicate my thoughts and ideas. My hope would be that, as a result, you would think about your church context and be challenged towards reducing barriers that might just be inhibiting numerical growth.

If something I write challenges you and spurs you on to make some changes, I'd love to hear from you!